My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
