I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
