Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He did a backflip because drugs
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