no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
