I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My dick has a subreddit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
