it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
