He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
