I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
