If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
