I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
