great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
