Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
