Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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