the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Vodka?
Forever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
