Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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