dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
