Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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