don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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