So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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