tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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