I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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