Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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