the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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