i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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