did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
