a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
