Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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