They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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