Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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