You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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