Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
