Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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