im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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