Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
