Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
