after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
