Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
