I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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