I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
