I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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