But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
