so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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