escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
