Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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