She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
