I wish I could teleport
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're like the curious george of whores
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
