there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
