I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
