i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
