Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
